I conceived my first baby after exactly two years of our marriage. By then my Saas was on the verge of hysteria of not being ever able to play with her grandkids and my mom was paranoid about her daughter not being enough fertile to have kids. Honestly me and my husband, we didn’t want kids right after our marriage owing to our financial disabilities and fears of commitment.
Their paranoia had its toll on our lives and we both went to medical specialists secretly to make sure whose fault it was and ended up finding nobody was the culprit here except Mother Nature.
After two years I had started sensing a loss of intimacy that we previously shared. We couldn’t shut the world up; instead our relationship suffered a great setback. At nights I would read our facebook conversations to relive the passion we once shared. It was so easy for my husband to be away for days, weeks and even months.
By the end of two years I discovered I was pregnant. I still remember when I broke the news to my husband he just lay there on bed and passed it with a “hmmuph”. Till today I myself can’t make out if I was happy too on this discovery or was it just the satisfaction that we had finally zipped up their mouths that constantly suggested going to doctors, offering namaz and being pious.
Something that could have given us immense joy if only it were planned by us at the right time just went away like we had passed a fertility test. Somewhere deep down we were happier at passing this test than for the arrival of our baby.
Nevertheless the pregnancy went smooth and the day came when I delivered a healthy baby girl. In just a weeks time I was supposed to be up and operating like nothing happened. Amidst baby blues post c-section pain I was taking care of the baby alone and all those who wanted the baby so badly would come once in a while in my room , peck at my daughters cheek with a “how cute” and leave. With it they left the crying baby, soiled sheets and a depressed mom alone.
I wonder if all this emotional assault was just about this “how cute”? All this constant nagging sowed a seed of “not being fertile enough” in the back of my mind which made me careless about the use of protection. As everything has its repercussions; not using protection caused another pregnancy and this time the victim was my daughter who could not get attached to me enough.
In the end there are so many points that I want to bring home but I will cut short the rhetoric.
The only time a couple gets for themselves is right after their marriage. The rest is shadowed by career struggles, raising kids and all that. So leave them alone for a while and please do not ask again and again about this “Khushkhabri( good news)”.
IT IS NOT POLITE TO ASK SOMEBODY WHEN THEY ARE PLANNING THEIR FAMILY.
Just ask yourself “Is it any of your business?”
Before you conceive ask yourself if you are emotionally, physically and financially ready to raise a baby? as at the end of the day it would be about you and your baby. The jamghatta (crowd) that was worried about your conception would largely scatter after your baby; to find their new victim.
How we managed three kids financially, is another story!